How Should Pointe Shoes Feel

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“Dear every basketball and hockey team that forces its fans to wear cheap T-shirts (See above — not that cheap) of matching color in some moronic attempt to make 18,000 people seem even more cohesive than their collective cheering already does. Just stop it. The primary color-out is the worst thing to happen to sports since Reggie Miller retired and moved to the announcing booth (Really — the worst? You’d prefer pastel?). Like most things, the look was sort of cool when it first started because it was new and different. Now that it’s the rule, not the exception, it’s trite, unoriginal (I believe the Warriors were the first to do this. If not, they were close) and simpleminded (Should we be playing chess instead?). The 16,000 people at Oracle Arena for Game 1 of the NBA Finals who were wearing those garish, cheap, cotton, yellow shirts looked like conformist rubes (Isn’t being a conformist rube kind of the point?), which is exactly the opposite of what you’d expect from people in the Bay Area, a place that practically invented free American expression (Which is why we can wear whatever damn shirt we please).

The shirts are everything that’s wrong with our culture (Everything? Is he serious?), It’s conformity in the form of peer pressure, No one is allowed to have a different opinion (And we obviously beat them up when they don’t), Speech is only free if it’s speech everybody else agrees how should pointe shoes feel with (Seriously, it’s a free shirt, which is pretty great), It’s nonsense (Just like this column), If you don’t wear the shirt, you’re a jerk who doesn’t support the team (Says who?), If you wear the shirt, you’re a faceless cog without an ounce of individuality (Not one?), It’s like 1984 (Aren’t we getting a bit hysterical?), only with more $10 beers, I mean, besides a North Korean army parade, where else do thousands of people wear the same exact thing? (UPS? Taco Bell?) What’s the point of this (A united front to help boost the home-court advantage)? Surely it’s not because the teams think it looks good (Of course, Because sports have always been about fine fashion — three letters: XFL), Do they believe the mass pigmentation (He was probably very proud of that term) of fan clothing will be intimidating to opposing teams whose own fans probably do the same thing?..

I don’t get it. And I hate it. The coercion (What?) by other fans to wear the shirt is the second-worst part. I once wore a white pullover to a Washington Capitals playoff game (it gets cold in there and I don’t have a red sweatshirt because I’m not five years old (Red is only for kids?) and judging by the looks I got, I might as well have had a pentagram carved into my forehead (This guy has obviously never been to a Raiders game). It’s adult bullying (Oh please). Kramer knows what I’m talking about.

(Here’s where a clip from “Seinfeld” supposedly supports his point), But it’s not the coercion that’s the worst, no, it’s the ugliness, Thousands of people wearing the same color looks awful on television (What’s with Mr, Delicate Sensibilities?), so much so that I can’t believe that the networks, which pay billions to air games, haven’t asked the NBA how should pointe shoes feel to ban the practice, High-definition is never as bad as when half the screen is filled with people wearing bright yellow shirts (They’re actually more of a deep gold)..

And, yes, Golden State, though you’re far from the only team to do this, your yellow-out is surely the ugliest (Says you, Fashion-Boy). Those sun-yellow shirts look like something a concert security guard would wear. I’ve seen crossing guards look less conspicuous (And fans should look less conspicuous so as to not offend someone using the term “mass pigmentation”). And it doesn’t help that Oracle Arena turns up the house lights up so much that it creates a blinding effect of light on brightness (Good tip — turn the lights off). It’s like staring directly into an eclipse. The soccer model, where European fans tend to dress in dark colors in seating areas that aren’t lit up, looks so much cooler, but maybe that’s just because the eyes are automatically drawn to the crowd since nothing of interest is happening on the field (Then why do you watch?).

This trend will peter out like all do eventually, It’s just sad that the Warriors, a team that plays such beautiful basketball, has to do so in such an unsightly environment (He’s still talking how should pointe shoes feel about a basketball arena … right?), It’s like holding Swan Lake (Is this guy really a sportswriter?) in that place from True Detective, So, please stop it, And, while I have you, let’s get those $10 beers down to $7.50 — $8.50, tops (How much do they charge at the ballet?), A man’s gotta eat, especially when’s he’s slugging $10 beers.”..

The Summit Tunnel hike at Donner Pass is like tiptoeing into another dimension, unknown to almost everyone arriving at Lake Tahoe for a getaway. Traffic streams past on Interstate 80 with a distant whoosh. Those drivers on a hasty retreat down the serpentine roadway might briefly notice the railroad tunnels on a southern ridge of Donner Pass. But they’re not giving this otherworldly slice of Tahoe much thought on the way to ski slopes, golf courses and casinos. They know nothing of the eerie granite arches decorated by graffiti artists, creating an image of a subterranean Balmy Alley in the Mission.

I’m not sure what to expect upon entering the dank cavern, where the sun’s warmth goes to die, Shivering from the quick temperature dip, stumbling into pools of water how should pointe shoes feel in the blackout, my picture of this land starts taking on a wholly different form, To stare into the sapphire-blue face of Tahoe is to grapple with perspective, So many archival mileposts to consider, including this abandoned stretch of the intercontinental railroad, built by the blistered hands of Chinese laborers, Unearthing such historical morsels is like pulling loose coins out of the crevices of a worn sofa..

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